Xi'an -- Bad seats

As I mentioned, October 1st was National Day (which is Chinese 4th of July) so we had the week off of work.  To celebrate, I went with some friends to Xi'an.  Xi'an is the ancient city that was the capital of China for almost 2,000 years (I think) and home of the famous terra-cotta warriors of Qin and other terra-cotta figurines, or as I like to call them, the clay dudes.  I had been once before but only for a day and a half so I hadn't seen anything but the Qin warriors and briefly around the inner city.
As you may have guessed, I am now returned.  However, the traveling was extremely brutal.  In fact the worst traveling I have had to do in a very long time, if ever.  I will continue blogging about the amazing trip as the week progresses but I am currently so exhausted that all I will show now is exactly how bad of a travel it was.
Let me draw a picture.  Trains in China are not like trains in the US or Europe.  They are somewhere in between Europe and India, leaning far towards the India side.  It is almost impossible to get the tickets you want on a holiday because of all the other travelers, so we could only get tickets for hard seats.  Which was actually very lucky.  Because it's a 30 hour train ride.  And they selling standing room tickets.  That's right, they crowd the train to twice capacity with most of the people only having STANDING TICKETS FOR 30 HOURS.
So, you get to the train station, stand in a huge like, rush to the front like a maniac, with people actually getting into fights to get there, try to find your seat which someone is inevitably already in, kick them out and settle down.  Because you will not be moving -- and I mean it, not even standing -- for at least 10 hours.  The train is so packed with "standing tickets" that you cannot stretch, stand up, store your luggage, go to the ::extremely nasty:: bathroom, anything.  Eventually around hour 10 they started to deboard and around hour 20 we were able to steal some sleepers and crowd into there for the remaining 10 hours.  Which was nice, because on the way out some asshole decided to bring a 22" flatscreen with him and store it in our leg room in the hard seats.  So not only could we not stand up, we could not, literally could not, move our legs.

Yep, Jenn was pretty grumpy.

How do you fit this many people in one train car?  Just you wait.

This is not a dramatization, this is literally the first 10 hours of the train ride.

The trip back was essentially the same, only no TV box THANK GOD and friendly English speaking neighbors, but no sleepers either.  We almost didn't make it back because the train was so late that we barely made the last connecting speed train from Guanzhou to Shenzhen, had to battle violently pushy Chinese to get the tickets and then runnnnn to board the departing train.  It was as close as it possibly could be.  We didn't get back home until after midnight, and then up again the next day at 6:30am to teach because in China they have this hellish idea that it's ok to work and have school on the weekends if you just had a holiday.  Nooooo.  I do not remember what I taught that day, and I'm still exhausted!
Ok, that's my ranting about the god awful train travel to Xi'an.  I promise, it's the last of my complaints about the trip because the resting of it was AWESOME.  I was lucky to go with some great people, which almost cancelled out the hellish seats.  Almost.

The Crab Saga

Well, as predicted, the crabs showed up on my doorstep this afternoon.  And in true China fashion, as I should have predicted, they turned out to be ten very alive, very fast crabs in a cardboard box.  Ha!  I gave them to my neighbors and they invited me over for dinner.  It was quite the adventure, we lost two crabs and had to chase them around their apartment.  In the end, a delicious feast complete with hairy crabs and French wine.  The highlight?  When the student foreign teacher from no-ocean Colorado caught on to the joke "Which is faster, green crabs or red crabs?"

Typhoon Day

Recall the glorious days of childhood schooling called "snow days"?  Well I have one today, SE Asia style.  I am currently in my apartment enjoying a "typhoon day".  Apparently it rained really hard all last night and hasn't stopped this morning, so  now there is no class today.  Which is marvelous because it was going to be a very long day for me.
I still have laundry and packing to do for my holiday -- October 1st is National Day, so I'm leaving on Saturday to go on a week trip to Xi'an with some other foreign teachers.  On a train, for 24 hours, in hard seats because all of the sleepers were sold out, because that's how you travel if you want to travel on National Day, because you are inherently traveling with a billion of your closest peeps. It will be a long travel, but hopefully a lot of fun and cool things to see.
In other news, I managed to snag cheap airline tickets for next June to travel around after the school year is up but my visa has yet to expire.  I'm going with a friend of mine here and the itinerary includes Malaysia, the Philippines, India, and Thailand.  So yeah, be jealous.
And in yet other news, I have an interesting but very Chinese predicament.  For the holiday, my school has gifted the teachers with... ready for this?... ten hairy crabs.  I told them that it was ok, I wouldn't know what to do with them (having never cooked a crab in my life and not entirely inclined to try) and that since I leave in a day I would have no time to eat ten.  But, in typical Chinese fashion, they will not take no for an answer.  So they have my ten crabs in the school fridge waiting for me and all of the teachers have been sending me recipes.  I would generally just ignore it and not go attend to the crabs, but I know China well enough to know that they will not just go away.  In fact, I think I heard them scheming to try and get some of my friends to come and "enjoy hairy crabs" with me.  I think I will give them to my neighbor family if they don't already have too many, I know the little girl likes them.

Ok, time to enjoy typhoon day.  It celebration, here's a link to make you smile (and don't think it's a solitary case, I saw two teachers with elastic sealed plastic bags around their shoes and feet this morning).
http://accidentalchinesehipsters.tumblr.com/post/9365898685/its-going-to-rain-a-lot-you-shouldnt-be

<3 Jenn

Teacher's day picture

As the title subtly suggests, here's a picture I forgot to post from the Teacher's Day ceremony.

Interesting Trip (Part II)

Ok, I'm back.  And let me tell you, it was interesting.  Or not at all as interesting as I led on, I still haven't decided.  Most interesting part: the location.  Guess.  You never will, ok, it was at a hotel at a government sponsored experimental agriculture compound.  The place where they develop super-rice so that a billion Chinese can still eat a bowl of rice every meal every day, where pumpkins do not come in sizes smaller than godzilla eggs, and the only insect repellent you need is the mosquito-eating tube plants that hang on the walls.
Otherwise, pretty standard Chinese get away.
We had a banquet, and...  No go back.  I need to explain "banquet" to my non-China readers.  Yes indeed it does mean food.  Lots of delicious food, lots of really chinese-y food -- which means that the more it looks like the original animal the better -- lots of strange foods I've never seen.  Again, I promise to start adding food blogs soon.  BUT the funnier thing about this banquets is that everyone gets drunk.  Especially the men.  Essentially it comes down to a show of masculinity, because "cheers" don't work here the way they do in the US.  I've explained baijiu ("bye-joe") before, yes?  Well it is the most potent, vial liquor that has ever crossed my path and I refuse to touch the stuff.  But the men here LOVE it.  So they go around, toasting everyone and everything they can think of, and if you do not drink (the entire shot of baijiu, I might add) and toast back, then you are not cool.  It's like a socially acceptable frat party of peer pressure.  Some of ladies like to toast with wine and beer and things, which I'll participate it, but even then you end up drinking more than you might wish.  Really, it's amazing.  I have no idea how they do it.  Some of the male foreign teachers I've talked are dying because they don't have the "oh I'm a dainty female I couldn't possibly" excuse to not toast.  This is the ONE, I repeat ONE, time it is better to be female here.
Long story short, banquet happened, every male teacher was drunk, many females too.  And so we head to KTV!!  Because that's what you do at every possible moment.  I cannot overemphasize how often karaoke happens here.  It was fun, got to hear all the colleagues belting their hearts out to sad, slow Chinese songs (because the Chinese LOVE sad slow Chinese songs as much as they love cheers-ing baijiu).  The evening took a turn for the worse when the colleagues decided they would like to hear the foreign teacher sing, and chose a sad, slow English song for the English teacher.  Oh yes boys and girls, I got to make an awful, awful attempt at Celine Deon for the entire school.  And if that wasn't bad enough, an encore rendition of Simon and Garfunkel.  And then, no it's not over yet, as the night went on I was wrangled into butchering the Beatles, Britney Spears, and Michael Jackson.  My ancestors are still turning in their graves from shame.  It was not pretty.
Next morning we went on a walk of the facilities and saw all the produce.  It reminded me of walking around Hawaii, because that's the only other place I've been with these kind of plants.  There was a dragon fruit grove, and I ate my first star fruits.  It was relaxing and nice wanderings.  Like I said, outside of the locations, not "exciting" per se.  But enjoyable nonetheless, and I got free food, drinks, and entertainments.  All in all, good trip.

 Starfruits, and asian posing with my colleagues

I will get more group pictures from other teachers on Monday, so I'll post more then.

Interesting Trip (Part I)

I realize it’s been a few days, but you’re in for a special treat.  Or I am.  Or nobody is.  Who knows.  See, I’m about to go away for a while.  They won’t tell me where, and the why’s a little spotty, but I’m instructed to be at the school gate at 4:30 prompt with an overnight bag.

I am going on interesting trip.

“Eh?” you say?  Well, my friend, me too.  I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned the class I teach twice a week called “interesting group” here, so let me give you a run down.  Here’s exactly how interesting group was described to me:

Me: “I see I teach interesting group on Tuesday and Thursday.  What’s interesting group?”

School: “This is interesting group, here, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Tuesday will be lower level, Thursday upper levels.” 

Me: “But what is it?” 

School: “It’s interesting group.  It’s on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

Me: “…”

Turns out interesting group is a smaller class (only 25 students) of students who are engaged in English class and so have won the privilege to watch the foreigner flail around for another hour a week.  I enjoy this class, because the students actually understand what they’re supposed to understand, learn quickly, and on occasion will actually speak English. I get to teach pretty much whatever I want.  Which means yesterday my higher levels were racing around the room blindfolded shouting directions in English to try and get to the Franks (I have a collection of yellow softballs with faces painted on them, all of whom are name “Frank”) before the other teams.  And whenever they are so inclined, half the faculty sits in on the class too.  Ha.

So, interesting trip.  One would think it would have something to do with interesting group.  And one may be correct.  Or not, for all I know.  Here’s the description of interesting trip:

School: “This Friday, there is interesting trip.  You will be available?”

Me: “Ummm.  I think so?  What’s interesting trip?”

School: “It is Friday after work.  For interesting group teachers.”

Me:  I’m the only interesting group teacher…  “Ok…  Where are we going?”

School: “Another district in Shenzhen. Maybe we will be back at 12 on Saturday.”

Me: “Ok, and what will we do?”

School (on Tuesday): “Mmm, maybe relaxing. Swimming. Things like that.”

School (On Thursday): “We will hike a mountain.  There won’t be any swimming.”

School (Today): “Maybe KTV tonight. Maybe if you wake up very early you can go for a walk on the hill.  There is no mountain.”

So, interesting trip.  Yep.  I’m leaving in a couple hours to go somewhere and do something, with some people that apparently have also been teaching my interesting group without my knowledge.  I’m pretty excited.  It sounds… just like China planning!  I will bring a camera, and you may start making bets on what actually goes down.  If I don’t come back, avenge me.

Now I'm not sure what banks are for.

Sometimes I feel this blog is a complete waste of time, because there is no possible way to properly convey the experience of living in China to those who have not.  But today, a tiny event happened that I think will help me.

First, some background.  This is a cash society.  They don’t really use plastic for anything but major purchases like airline tickets or at the numerous extremely swanky malls.  Which, on a side note, are bizarre in themselves because I couldn’t even afford to shop there in the states and yet they have these malls every few blocks it seems.  The income levels and gaps here are both extreme and strange.  You know, because it’s “communist” here.

I’ve gotten well used to paying for everything with cash, no problems because my card works at most ATMs here.  Just have to remember to take money out every couple weeks.

But here’s the first headache: for some inexplicable reason, giving back change is the most troubling, soul crushing act for every seller in China. [for the rest of this post, “$” is China bucks unless otherwise noted because my computer is entirely in Chinese and I can’t find the silly little “Y” sign] If it costs $7 and you hand them a $10, the first question will be, do you have smaller bills?  If not, the next question will be, do you have $2 more so they can just give you a $5 back instead of $3?  If it costs $7.60, they want the .60.  And god save you if you’re the asshole who only has a $100 (which is equivalent to about $15USD and is the only bill that you will get from an ATM, so pretty often you can count on being that asshole).  I’ve lived in China for a small while, so I’ve gotten the hang of breaking “large” bills at places I know will have change, like KFC, and praying that I have the correct change when I need to buy something simply to avoid that look you get for not having it.  I’ve literally had a shopkeeper pull a smaller bill out of my wallet when she saw that I had one instead of breaking the larger bill I had handed to her.  I couldn’t make this up.

Which leads me to my tiny event.  I finally got my passport back from the visa people, so I could finally go open a bank account here for that shining future day when I get paid.  After a funny moment of confusion when all the little Chinese girls were trying to figure out whether “Jennifer” was my first name or last – apparently my school has also been confused on that because neither attending teacher could correctly answer – I was asked to pay $15 for the account and card.  I handed them a $20, being the only smaller bill I happened to have at the time.  And waited.  And waited.  Brace yourself.  The bank, THE BANK, did not have $5 to give me.  They finally decided to credit the money to my cell phone.  Which I could care less about.  What I am mind boggled about is that THE BANK DID NOT HAVE $5 CHANGE.  What do they do there?? 

Hopefully, this post has enlightened you just a bit as to my current plight.  Every day in China is….a day in China.  I can neither label this a "love China" nor "hate China" experience, becuase all I can do is shake my head.  I wonder if when they come to the US it is so bizarre and incomprehensible to them.  But I really don’t think it is.